Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Vain Vain Baby

Do you have a child who is vain and expect you to be the same?

Takes off my glasses and leaving me squinting my eyes
 watching the tv or finding my way around the house

Refuse to wear sunshades appropriate for her age

Instead, conquer mine

Does not allow (not all the time) me to wear
my comfy housedress at home

Usually prefers me to be in tshirt or some fancy tops with jeans
or sometimes, dress.  
Yeah right! Dress! Pfft!

Worst - She will whine and whine whenever she see me 
tied up my hair in ponytail!


Nope, no tucking hair behind my ears too either.
The boss says "Mummy, not behind ears. You must have long hair!"

Sweetie, if THIS is how you want Mommy to look like every single day,
while chasing after you, picking up toys, feeding you, cooking, cleaning 
and trying to stay sane,
I am sorry sweetie, you would need to wish harder.

So, am I alone with all these ridiculous demands? 
 Or do you have a child who have thinks the same as Isabelle?

Monday, April 16, 2012

Diaper Is Not Your Toilet!

Dear Isabelle, 

My lovely, cheeky and intelligent 3 year old little girl.
Mommy needs to tell you something.

Diapers.  They are for babies. Not for a 3 year old like you.  
Not for a big girl who has been toilet-shh-shh trained.

Everytime I think about having to do this, it breaks my heart.

I do not want to do this to myself everytime you ask for a diaper when
it is time to poo poo.
So, I am going to forget about this. Give both of us a break.

Hopefully, in no time, you will find poo poo in the diaper for a 3 year old is a disgusting act.

And you will finally get it done, in the toilet, just like how and where it  is supposed to be done.

Yours sincerely,
Mommy who loves you very very very so very much

Friday, April 13, 2012

13 Totally Gross Things I Don't Want My Kid to Do in Public

I had a good laugh reading this last night, imagining Isabelle putting the below 13 'taboos' into action. I had to share this!!

"I'm supposed to feel guilty. Ever since the kid hit kindergarten, I've been hitting one discipline technique hard. When she starts up with some not very appropriate for public actions, I remind her she'd best stop ... or the other kids won't like her.

You call it shaming. I call it socialization. To-may-to. To-mah-to. And guess what? It works. Because telling your kid that they should stop eating their boogers because a giant booger factory will grow in their stomach just makes them sample more snot to see if it's the truth. Telling them that the other kids will find them kind of gross, on the other hand, is both the God's honest truth (remember that kid? The one you all called Picky Picky?) and effective.

Come on in, take a gander at the disgusting things I'm drumming out of my kindergartner one "ewww, gross, think of the CHILDREN" at a time, in the hopes that one day I may actually be able to marry her off (or at least send her to college without her blanket):

Picking Her Nose in Public. If you can't use a tissue, and let's face it, there are those little hard suckers that just never want to come out, there's a room down the hall for digging. Please use it.

Picking Her Nose and Eating It. So it may taste better than broccoli. That doesn't mean I want to see you sample the merchandise.

Pick Her Nose and Wipe It on Things. Noticing a theme here, are you? Yes, we are at the 5 1/2-year-old stage, when the hands are NEVER too busy to inch upward toward the schnoz.

Butt Scratching. Yes, it itches. No, people don't want to think about why.

Screaming From the Bathroom to "Come Look." So my daughter will one day Google herself and find this gem? Good, because the horror on her face will probably come pretty close to that on mine when I come running, thinking my little darling has fallen off a stool and put her nose through her skull or something similarly catastrophic ... only to be presented with a smiling face, the smell of something that died a week ago and has sat in her bowels ever since, and her pointing into the toilet. No, dear, just no.

Eating Sand, Grass, and Dried Up Raisins From Inside the Booster Seat. When I said I wanted a kid with an adventurous palate, I was thinking shellfish. I was not thinking that kid who everyone points to on the playground when a slug is procured from the monkey bars. The clear indication being, of course, that said person at the end of the finger-points will be willing to have a taste to see if it kills kids. Oh no, not my kid.

Stripping. It was OK two years ago, and truth be told there is a butt nekkid picture framed in our living room. That's art. Walking around the park at this age without your panties is just asking for sand in uncomfortable places.

Announcing Her Poots. MUCH better to blame it on someone else (Daddy? The dog?).

Bathroom Talk. I know, for a certain age group, this IS how to converse. We can't kill the art. But when you ask a teacher if they'd prefer to eat diarrhea or drink their own pee, they start making little marks in your permanent record. Let's just finesse that one out of the convo. Thank you!

Entering the Bathroom Without Knocking. Yes, it's lonely out there for the whole 3 minutes it takes someone to pee and wash their hands. Go chase the cat. Crayon on the walls. Play in traffic. SOMETHING.

Wedgie Picking. Like digging for gold, something that has to be done, but can be done even better in the bathroom!

Chewing With an Open Mouth. What's the image you want people to have in mind at your 20th reunion? A nice, smart kid from school or the one who masticated bovine muscles LOUDLY in front of you on hamburger day? If you must eat cows, please don't act like one kids.

Wet Willies. Funny thing, I haven't found ANYONE who enjoys the feeling of a damp finger in the ear. If you know anyone, send them over, she's rather talented at it.

With all these warnings, calls from the school have thus far been limited to "your kid was marked absent today" and "Mrs. Sager, thank you for bringing the fruit plate to the class party." I'm thinking as long as we keep reminding her that she'll be a social pariah if she doesn't quit it, I can keep that tone going.

What are the most disgusting things your kids do in public?"

This article was copied from here and for more of such entertaining posts go here.

Have a happy Friday and weekend everyone!!

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Me & Droopiness



Now, what does the 3 guys above have in common?  

 If you guessed 'DROOPY EYES', bingo.
If you guessed hunksome, triple your bingo! 
There is just something about me and droopy eyed celebrities!
My husband is probably going to strangle me if he reads this.

So, this is for you DH.

"No matter how gorgeous these 3 handsome men looks like and no matter how many beats they make my heart skips whenever I look at them,
please don't doubt at all that,
no one makes my heart sings like you do.
No one loves me like you do and I know I will love no one deeper than I love you.

 (All pictures sourced from google search)

Russell Wong in Ikea's commercial.  Phewitt!!
And why is it not aired on our local TV here? Sigh.
Video here.