Wednesday, October 20, 2010


Recently, someone I know shared her very deep thoughts with me. When she poured out her feelings, I was overwhelmed with empathy for her. I wish I can do something to help her but there is really so much I can do.

Here goes the story.

Annie (name has been changed for privacy reason) is a SAHM just like me. Her toddler is 20 months old. She has no domestic help and lives far away from her family. I am interpreting her words into a letter from her to her Hubby.

"Dear Hubby,

I don't know where to start but I believe to put up hands and say HELP, I AM NOT A SUPERWOMAN would do.

To you, I should not complain because I am just a homemaker who need not go out to work and I have whole day at home to do my leisure stuffs. When I asked for your favor, you would help but reluctantly with a long black face. Maybe I don't deserve any help because I am a homemaker and I should be efficient to do everything myself. You came home from work feeling tired and can look forward to an easy evening at home. But my job goes beyond 5pm. Dinner need to be made and dishes need to be done. Not forgetting getting the little one to finish his dinner. You can continue to read your papers, watch the news and leisurely surf a little before you retire to bed. And I would still be cleaning and washing. If I am lucky, I get to shower before I faint smelling my own stinky sweaty t-shirt. Oh, I should also remind you that sometimes in the morning, I don't get to brush my teeth until noon and to get my lunch when our baby takes his nap at 3pm! And do you know that it is difficult and highly 'challenging' to do all the house chores while monitoring a hyperactive 20 month old toddler?

When you are already snoring away in bed, I would probably be still cleaning up. When I have a little ME time at night, you complain that I am not spending enough time with you and expect me to do the wifely duties promptly. By the hour I get to touch my bed and pillow, all I want is to doze off. Everyday is a tiring day. I know, you would not want to believe that because to you, again, homemaker is not supposed to feel tired because we have nothing to do all day long but to sleep and lounge around the home or go shopping or go online to surf aimlessly.

If you think a tidy home, warm dinner on the table and clean clothes ever ready and nicely folded in the cupboard just falls down from the skies, please think again. I do not need you to thank me or to be grateful to me. All I need is a little appreciation, understanding and occasionally to lend me a hand and share my burden. I have always imagine that someday you would lovingly tell me "Honey, go get a rest and take a break. You deserve it. Let me take care of everything at home" or even just a simple "Honey, are you ok? What can I do to help you so that you don't look this tired?"

I know you have your stress and bad days at work. I know that you need to work hard to earn money to put food on the table and a roof on top of our heads. I wish I can do something to help ease your burden which I thought I could help by making sure you have warm meals waiting for you at the end of the (one of it).

I don't know anymore how to convince you that I am just a human and not a superwoman. I need help and support. I can't do everything myself but with a little help from you, it will make a lot of difference. I will have the right amount of time to divide between you, the baby and our home. Our marriage is on slippery rocks because of all this.

I am so tired physically and emotionally. I know there is a way to save us but it takes 2 hands to clap. I know the root of the problem but I also know that you will deny it.

Tell me what you want me to do because there is really only this much that I can bear.

Your Wife"

It is so sad that not only generally people think that SAHM are really tai tais who gets their nails done and hair nicely blowdry everyday. It is even more heartbreaking when your own husbands thinks that way too and setting such high expectation on the wives. I can't afford to advice Annie any solution but to ask her to keep praying, set her limits clear to herself and her Hubby and try to communicate with him and last resort, seek counselling from the right party because I believe all marriages deserve a 2nd chance to survive.

May the Lord bless Annie....


lyncpf513 said...

My heart was boiling HOT!!! How can the hub assume that! Ask the hub be domestic helper for 1 day lar.. Sigh.. can only wish Ainnie will find a solution in the end. and the hub will b able to see the sacrifies and work she put up for the family...

Catheryn @ PinkBibs said...

Hi Lyn,
Yes. I can understand how she'd feel and put myself in her shoes and it makes me feel mad listening to her too. Sigh. You are right, ask the Hubby to exchange position with her just once, it will give him a clearer picture.

I'm a full-time mummy said...

Poor Annie, sympathies with her situation. DId she have a heart to heart talk with her hubby about this?

Catheryn @ PinkBibs said...

I think she did and her Hubby's reaction was like 'Yaya... I am tired working out there all day long too ya know? And I need a break'

Sigh.. and I am shaking my head as I reply this.

Sarah C. said...

Maybe Counseling session by a close friend will help.
Someone to share some pointers or 'lights' to how to make the relationship works.

Catheryn @ PinkBibs said...

Yes, counselling will definitely help but it will be last resort for them and both parties will need to be willing to attend it. Otherwise, it will cause more dissatisfaction and feel more bitter about the situation.